Another long commute to the job, listening to the radio listlessly. The commute has become so ingrained in me that I could do it in my sleep, and so I sometimes fear I'll end up like those sleepwalkers who go as far as to drive to the office, only to wake up at their desk in their pajamas.
"You're here early, Jackson! I'm proud of you, go-getter, but pajamas are against the office dress code; nice bunny slippers, though."
I quickly snapped out of my daze after I heard a very thought-provoking line from someone who is, arguably, the least "thought-provoking" individual I'm aware of. That person, of course, is Lil' Wayne. The line in question goes "they say you don't know what you doin', 'til you stop doin' it." However accented in that New Orleans drawl which so offends my high-class, New York ears, it made sense. I'm in the middle of a major career change, or rather, on track for it. Perhaps I miswrote? What I mean to say is that the body is headed for a career change and the spirit has already taken his last check, sent out his resume and shit on the boss' desk. I've said many a time that I'd quit, but lets just say a pending "business trip" is cementing that statement as more than just the petty words of a malcontent wage-slave.
But not truly understanding what you're doing until you stop is true, at least for my life it would seem. I tend to wonder what life will truly be like after I leave my old career. I am slightly apprehensive, given my experience with dropping something and then picking it back up. From relearning the trombone, to quitting writing, to "trying again" with a dumb-fuck ex who only served to teach me why she was an "ex" in the first place, I gained so much more after dropping it off and then picking it back up for a second glance; it's something like muscle memory when I think about it.
Now, I can't help but wonder if I'll miss it: The paid holidays, the steady paycheck, the travel and so many other factors that make this line of work satisfying. If only for the illusory sense of "peace of mind," I can't see myself missing any of it. What I know I will miss, however, is the people. But at the same time, fuck no I won't! That is, not all of them, only some of them. But in any case, I know that I will be closing another chapter in my life, only to open another. A chapter where my family doesn't have to worry about me, where my lady doesn't have to shit herself every time I say "I'm going on another business trip" and a chapter where I don't have to fight for the contracted right to pursue my education and one day, hopefully, write full-time.
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