Cain and the N-word

I don't enjoy using racial epithets of any kind in my writngs, something I pride myself on. But in this nigga's case, I'll make an exception tonight.

Herman Cain, Republican candidate for President and Pizza-Baron is that exception, and falls under the aforementioned category of "nigga." To clairify (so that non-blacks don't go using the word willy-nilly) a "nigga" is a black person who, advertantly or inadvertantly, fucks shit up for other black people. A good example of this is the Beltway Sniper, John Allen Muhammad. This was right after September 11th when he went out and started shooting people when they walked out of restaurants and other such nonsense. It was bad enough that his last name was that of the Islamic prophet during a period of paranoia and fear towards Islam, but this dude just had to be black. He didn't have the common decency or foresight to be another race. So in summary to our example, John Allen Muhammad was a nigga. Now that we've edified those who'd call me a hater of my own people, we'll continue.

Herman Cain is making black republicans look bad. It's not a question of his intent, but the result. His hate-filled rhetoric regarding immigration (not even funny as a joke), his song-and-dance routine regarding his pizza chain, and recently his comment regarding his approach to foreign policy have turned heads in much the same way a flaming bag of dogshit on your doorstep would. Also, what the fuck is a "You-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?" I understand it was an "example" (if that's what you wish to call it) but you can't name an actual country? Why should I vote for you, Mr. Cain? You didn't even pass Social Studies, fuck Geography!

A note on his "qualifications" to fix the economy: I won't beat the 9-9-9 dead horse, but I will say that being a pizza baron doesn't make you a world-class entrepreneur. Everyone loves pizza, you idiot! It's like saying "I can sell crack to Charlie Sheen!" Which doesn't make you a great drug-dealer...

...Not "Winning"...

...I mean sure you're a productive dealer, but you're not Tony-fucking-Montana. This deluded-ass nigga is not the type of man a sane (however relative the term) individual would want in office. But as they say "Niggas out here is crazy, son." I'd sooner trust my dog in a tie on the campaign trail.

But then he had the audacity to say that President Obama was "not a real black man." Seriously? If by that he meant "not a two-timing, tom-ass nigga" then I'd give it some merit. Honestly, what Cabin did this "Uncle Tom" come from? I half expected him to dump salt on the stage and pull a bojangles when he mentioned the use of an electrified fence on the U.S./ Mexican border while tea partiers dropped coins into his hat.

Now I know what you're saying, "Be nice, Rey, he's a Cancer survivor." Of course he is, dummy! The nigga's too evil to die! I'm starting to think Cancer is a member of the New Orleans Police, never actually snuffing out the real criminals; "Big C," my dick!

Herman Cain's hypocrisy rears it's head at every turn like Michael Myers in Halloween, and we the public are merely Jamie Lee Curtis. In any case, I must thank Cain for finally clarifying to Americans what a "nigga" truly is. So, as I usually say to those of his ilk in parting...

"Nigga, eat a dick."